Are you spiteful?

Most of us have moments of anger and spite from time to time but work out of it pretty quick and become ashamed of ourselves for being so childish. If we don’t it will fester and turn into something evil, and it will destroy you.
My grandfather was born in 1894 he married my grandmother when he was 22 and she was 15. She birthed 11 children with him. She buried five of them
a t ages 6 mo. 17, 25, 54 and 57 yrs old. She loved 'Jim 'dearly.
Jim was a very jealous man and a very spiteful man, very prideful. He was a loaner and had no close friends. One day he spotted my grandmother going into a with three of her ‘lady friends’ she called them. she told me years later when I asked her why Granpa lived in a shack in the back yard. She said 'that was the first and only time she had ever been inside a tavern, and that one of her lady friends husband worked there and she was taking him some money.
But Jim saw her coming out. And he has never spoken to her since. he built a small clap board shack in the far back yard and put a wood burning stove in and a cot. The only person he spoke o was his next to youngest daughter when he would ask her to bring him goods from the corner mkt. 2 lbs of coffee and a carton of belaire non filter cigs every other day. I never saw him leave that shack, he never said more than two words to me or my brothers ‘go play’ ! When grandma would feed her chickens in the morning he would be sitting by the door of his shack drinking coffee and she would say ‘morning Jim’ He would turn his nose up and look away. He went mostly blind later and he sat in that shack and drank a pound of coffee a day and smoked six packs of those non filter belaires a day. since he was blind he would hold his cigs between his thumb and index finger and lay his other three against the cig and when it burned his little finger he would raise lift it and so on until it burned his middle finger and lite another before throwing the butt in a can. his fingers were black and he rarely bathed with a water hose he ran inside the shack, but he would shave every day. he always had a strong unpleasant odor about him. That went on for 40 yrs until he died at 80. ‘I guess he showed her’ every time I get mule headed or spiteful he always comes to mind. That is how spite and hate can get ahold of you and ruin your life and torment your loved ones.
the longer you stay in that frame of mind you begin to enjoy it and it becomes satisfying and it consumes you. I was only 6 or 7 when I first started asking my grandmother questions. I’ve tried to figure out what drove him all my life.
lustful spite is all I come up with. The old saying ‘cut your nose off to spite your face’ he cut his life off to spite the women that he in reality loved.
I was amazed that my grandmother wept and grieved for him when he died.
spite must be genetic because it seems to be a trait in the males of my family. My dad and his brothers never had a close relationship with one another, me and my three brothers have very little to do with one another. My last living brother who is 71 now and lives close by, we haven’t spoke for more than an hour or so only a few times in 10 yrs. When I get spiteful or vengeful I always think of Grandpa and walk away from it. I guess something good does come out of something horrible.


What a life lesson you were taught. It is so true - you just need to forgive. What a hold that can have on a person. Truly sad.

I had a great grandfather that lived in a shed, outside of the family home also. They said he moved out to the shed when my grandparents adopted more children (related to them some how…can’t remember the full story). He would go into the house at times I believe, but he mainly stayed in the shed. It sounds strange, but maybe that was more common than we think back then.

BTW - you should give your brother a call today! Just have a little chat. :wink:


You have been through a lot. Many people would have chosen to drink the poison, but you did not. Do as Kay said, call your brother. It could be the best time you ever had with him.

I know what you are saying. It is very confusing to me, always has been. I’d do anything for him. It’s complicated, I can’t figure it out. When we do speak we always tell each other ‘I love you’ and hug. But there is always a distance present. I can feel it, and I can tell he does too. His kids know it and my wife and kids know it. My 50 year old son has asked me many times 'what’s the deal with you and your brothers? Mystery to me.

I think I get what you mean with that feeling. It’s hard I’m a sure. I wonder if you could clear your mind of all those complicated feelings and just call him with a clear head. Just say, “hey, you wanna go to lunch?” Or just call and ask his opinion on something or maybe ask him about a childhood memory that you can’t remember very well? I don’t know - I’m not trying to push you of course. But now you got me thinking about my oldest sister…I should call her. We haven’t talked in probably 2 or 3 years.

Coffee time? you just never know, if its the right time or how the call will be received. When I feel compelled out of the blue, it’s always been the perfect time. Once I felt compelled to call an aunt that I hadn’t seen in 20 yrs. So I just picked up the ph. and called her number, not sure if it was still her number. When she answered I could tell she was crying. I said, 'what’s the matter? She asked, Who is this? I said , ‘Kev’. Who? she said. It’s Kev sis. Then she knew who it was and asked 'what are you doing! I told her that I had just been thinking about her and felt like I had to call her. We talked for two hours catching up and she began laughing as we talked about years ago. About another month later I was talking to a cousin and he said, I heard you called Tillie. She told me about it. She said, you will never know how much that meant to her. She was depressed and feeling very low when you called.
So you never know.

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We just fell another dead ash tree and I popped in the house quickly to make some coffee. :rofl: And then I sat down and read your message. Now I’m all teary and Pat is gonna wonder what my problem is! I’ll tell ya, God leads us all to the perfect timing whether we even realize it or not. I’m so happy that you shared that message! I better get my butt back outside as we now have a lot of cleanup to do! I’ll just tell Pat that I was extremely attached to that tree and that’s why I was crying! :wink: